I once had a client who was completely lost in life. I'm no psychologist, but chronic depression wouldn't be a far off diagnosis. She lived in permanent victim mode. She loved the blame game. Everything and everyone, except herself, was the cause for her lack of success in business and life.
Yet, she had so much to be grateful for. She had a business making her a six figure salary each month, she had a beautiful daughter from a previous marriage who adored her. She was young and disease free. Yet, each morning she awoke, she felt inadequate. Each morning the same film script of 'poor me' played in her head.
The head came with an oversized ego too, which only added to her problems. At times it felt like she was living under a rock, totally oblivious to the changing world around her.
As far as she saw it, nobody could fault her leadership style, which, if you ask me, was completely archaic by today's standards. Her Autocratic leadership style disguised as 'collaboration' was a joke. She had no respect from her employees. She didn't know how to manage herself, her time or her people. She was a complete mess.
Even the way she dealt with business consultants showed her lack of follow through. Lots of talk, no action. She'd commit to working on a business development programme for a year, then pull out three months later, blaming the process, which she agreed to herself, for not working fast enough.
Rome wasn't built in a day. Damaged people and businesses need time to recover. 10 or more years of damage can't be fixed in three months, especially when we're talking about organizations of people who have lost trust and respect for their leader. She had 20 years of damage to fix.
It wouldn't be far off to say that she and her business remain a mess. She lost a few clients due to bad service. Claiming to be the sales expert, she made one sale in two years. Too much talking, not enough listening to her prospects. To say she had verbal diarrhea would be an understatement.
Good Gawd, I've tried to fix it all. But some people just aren't coachable. Big egos think they are better than everyone else and that nobody can teach them anything about business or life, because they know it all. They've got experience in this and that, but really, how do you gain experience? By making mistakes, right?
As a coach, I've learnt the hard way that my altruistic heart can't work with people like that. They reach out for help, but don't really want it or will put their spin on it to try make it work in the context of their limiting beliefs.
Take this for example, I referred her to a personal trainer (PT) who I believed would be mentally capable to deal with her BS, push her to make a change and shed some 60kg of excess weight. This came at her own request. She persevered for a while then started complaining that the (PT) wasn't that interested in her progress. She thought that dishing free business advice to her PT would entitle her to special treatment and some free sessions for her friends. When she didn't pitch for a session, the PT would say "OK, see you next time." She wanted to be scolded like a little girl. But in the adult world, this doesn't happen. So, she gave exercising up and reverted to her old ways.
The funniest part was to hear about her diet changes, the health milkshakes she was taking, and in the same breath polishing a plate of my home made cookies! A plate of cookies would last me a week. She polished them all in less than an hour!
Bottom line, you either carry on as usual and feel sorry for yourself OR you allow another to help you out of your rut. You commit to making the changes you need to put you on the right trajectory for success. If you keep doing the same things, there's no way you can expect a different result.
You've got to be prepared to get uncomfortable. Commit to your dream or give up - which will it be? Just remember this......"If you give up, you die."